. finding strength in hard times .

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Now that I’m finally off the halo vest, I guess one can only imagine that life would be a lot sweeter and smooth-sailing for me. Physically, my neck seems to be on the right track to recovery as the last CT scan revealed a good reduction of the cervical fracture. And yes, I’m truly ecstatic to be freed of the vest and regain some of my sought-after freedom. Yet, I am still trapped in a dark place – emotionally and mentally. The past 2 weeks have been a real roller-coaster ride of emotions, knocking me down and off course for many days. Days living with the Aspen neck collar is a lot better than my days in the halo but there are still many restrictions. I’m a true blood Sagittarius, which means I love my freedom and independence and it is even more stifling now that I’m technically more mobile but am still not able to do much. My sense of self-esteem and confidence have plunged to an all-time down as I have to let go of the once adventurous lifestyle that I grew to love, continue living with this uncomfortable neck collar for the months to come and face up to the 2 depressed scars (pin sites) imprinted on my forehead every single day.

I know that the road to recovery is going to be one hell of a ride but the reality is  that it is so much tougher and harder than I ever thought it would be. I pride my strength and optimism for getting me through the hardest 6 months of my life but these days, my spirit and soul are falling apart. It’s getting challenging to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Trust me, I know that time is of the essence and one has to be patient for everything to fall into place, eventually. However, to have patience in a world where we crave for instant gratification, is simply torturing. It doesn’t help that an idle mind is the devil’s playground … It creates endless opportunities for me to mull and dwell over negative thoughts. Really bad for the soul. While I usually hate to wallow in self-pity, I find it increasingly easy to have regrets about my decision to attempt the flip on the trampoline. You know how it goes … had I not attempt it, this would not have happened and I would not be in this state.

But I have survived this traumatic experience. Other than the broken neck, I’m in a relatively good shape and health. My family loves me dearly and have been a pillar of strength for me throughout this journey. I was blessed with visits from relatives and friends every day when I was glued to my back on the hospital bed for 2 weeks. And, now that I cannot be too active for a period of time, it is the chance to pick up new skills and hobbies (am already at it). At the end of the day, everyone has to deal with their own fair share of hardships in life; but the difference is that each of us have a choice to make. Either to sit in that very dark corner and waste energy dwelling on the past, or to view the experience as an enlightening opportunity to re-discover life. As tough as I might be, I’m no robot and am only human. I’ll mourn over my loss of many things but I’ll also get right back up, press on and slowly rebuild my life. The end is a new beginning.

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i love you

Now, there are so many people who I would like to thank for being there for me over the few months. Truth to be told, I never expected to receive such an overwhelming amount of love and support from so many people and it has truly been a humbling experience. Sometimes, I wonder to myself, what did I do to deserve such an out-pour of love from each and every one of you. When I was at the lowest point in my life, it was you guys who gave me the encouragement and motivation to develop the strength and press forward. Thank you. 🙂  Pls bear with me as it is a pretty long list but I wouldn’t want to miss out on anyone.

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Dad
, for dropping everything and keeping me accompanied throughout my 2 weeks stay in the hospital. You have no idea how much it means to me to have someone close by my side every time I open my eyes in the hospital. Closer to home, you are my inspiration – You have never once allowed your handicap to get the better of you. If anything, you have always live life to your fullest and taught us so much about living vicariously. Mum, for being my sole care-giver – It is the hardest job in the world! Thank you for bathing me, feeding me, listening to my rants and wails, giving me advice and encouragement, the list goes on. You have been there for me 100% and I honestly wouldn’t know what I would have done, without you. You are my rock! Grandma, for feeding me with nourishing food that aided in my fast recovery. Ginette, I know that it sucks that your older sister had to get herself into trouble when you are back for a visit and you had to spend your vacation time in the hospital with me. Thank you for easing my anxieties whenever I had a mental breakdown. Amanda, for holding the family together after Mum’s car accident and sacrificing your personal time to care for me. And of course, for teaching me how to bake a loaf of bread! :p 

Aunty Jo, Ah Bo, Ah Bo Lina and Uncle Anthony, Aunty Alice, Aunty Angie, Aunty Cindy – Words cannot even begin to express my heartfelt gratitude to each and every one of you for the tremendous amount of physical and emotional support that you have showered me with. While I must admit that some of us had been on relatively distant terms, this accident has, ironically, brought us closer together. I really appreciate that some of you (you know who you are) have opened yourselves up and shared with me stories of your own struggles and difficulties in life that had certainly served as an inspiration. Thank you.

MK – Things are no longer the same for us but thank you for being there when I needed someone the most. For accompanying me at the hospital every single night without fail, introducing me to many sitcoms that I have, now, come to love, challenging me at QuizUp and reassuring me that things will eventually fall into place whenever I have my multiple meltdowns.

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Sara – We might be living at the extreme ends of the world but this does not mean that I have received any less loving encouragement from you. Thank you for sending me so many inspirational verses from the Bible, songs and messages to keep me going when I’m feeling the blues. Together with Imogen, you girls gave me 1 of the sweetest gift that I could ever ask for when you got together your girlfriends from church to write me a super motivational card. Pls help me to thank each and every one of the girls for reaching out to me even though we don’t know one another.

Claire –  Thank you for always entertaining my messages (the serious and nonsensical), even though you have your own set of concerns as a soon-to-be-mummy! You have no idea how much your messages help to keep my mind occupied and sane! :p

Soy and Shermin – I love you girls. I might be terrible with dates but please know that it doesn’t mean I care for you any lesser. Thank you for visiting me so many times, satisfying my craving for Korean cuisine and being playmates to both Frosty and Simba!

Christine – You are amazing, do you know that? Thank you for your weekly visits to my house, updating me with the latest office happenings, being my personal mailman to HR, and keeping my spirit up when I’m down.

Chern Chieh – It touches me that you have made the time and effort to visit me even though work has kept you pretty hectic and busy. Thank you for always being such a supportive confidante and personal cheerleader!

Kristin – Thank you babe for rushing down to visit me on the day that I was hospitalized, and also for squeezing time between your hectic schedule to have dinner with me at my place. The lavender diffuser plant helps keep me calm at night!

Swiss – It’s funny how our friendship has evolved, from acquaintances who barely knew each other to good friends who can talk about anything under the sun. Thank you for visiting me at the hospital even though we were still strangers at that point of time; your actions have proven to me that there are people who come and never leave your side. Really appreciate your endless stream of gifts and messages that kept coming!

Eileen, Jia Zhen, Christine, Elisabeth, Loisa, Cherie, Jane, Jocelyn – Eil and JZ, thank you for being there for me when I broke my neck at the trampoline park and of course, for giving me the teddy bear that accompanied me through my hosp stay and the endless support through our special chat group. To the rest of the girls, thank you for springing a surprise visit on that faithful night when I was already tucked in bed, ready to call it a night and for all your prayers. Jane, for sending me the smiley face bouquet of flowers that certainly brought a smile to my face!

Wendy, Rachel, Eveline, Daphne, Maylyn, Linda, Shu Ling, Candy – Thank you for dropping by my place and being my guardians-cum-bodyguards at Wendy’s wedding reception!

Serene, Jingwei, Zhennan, Wai Mun, Victor – I’m so blessed to have you guys at my fellow MT friends! Thank you for your various visits to me at both the hospital and my place, and gifts of all sorts – From baby food to vitamin C to face masks to a colourful garden windmill. And how can I ever forget the afternoon of fun, food and games – Saboteur! Thank you for going the extra mile for me, guys!

Amanda, Jasmine, Shi Hui, Xin Yi – Thank you for putting together one of the most lovely package – doggy toy, balloons, flowers, and cards! Your gifts definitely brightened up the otherwise dull hospital room, even the doctors and nurses were singing praises about it. Amanda, I cannot thank you enough for helping to cover the bulk of my workload in my absence and Jasmine, for being a listening ear whenever I needed to share something.

Jessy, Cheryl, Kenny, Junie, June, Janet, Wei Sing, Vince, Kailing – Your visit had certainly cheered up a girl who was utterly depressed over her bald spot the day prior to your visit. Thank you for convincing me that I shouldn’t go down the route of moping over my hair loss and that it was way better for you guys to come and entertain me ! And of course, for sharing part of my workload while I’m on leave.

Daniel, Say Inn, Aaron, Ka Chun, Jia Yan, Sharon, Wei Shi, Joseph – Thank you for taking the time out to visit me at the hospital and your follow-up messages to make sure that I’m doing fine!

Kenston – I cannot thank you enough for offering to cut and wash my hair over the 10 weeks that I was in a halo vest. I know that it was a nightmare for you to wash my hair in that device but you did it. Also, thank you for always counting down with me to the day of the halo vest removal! 🙂

Wei Ping – Just a week prior to my accident, you advised me against from embarking on too many adventures. Well, I should have listened to you! :p Anyhow, thank you for making a special home visit to adjust my new pair of spectacles and also for the box of chicken essence and witty card!

Havas Worldwide and Havas Media – Thank you for sending over the baskets of flowers and fruits. It was truly a delightful surprise!

Phew. But I’m not done yet! There are still many others who have sent me countless of messages  and words of encouragement via Whatsapp, FB and my blog to spur me on. It was through every one of you and your actions, thoughts and prayers that I was (and still am) able to find the strength to fight on in hard times. Thank you.

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