As you guys probably would have know by now, I prefer to keep a huge aspect of personal life private and off-limits on the public domain. Anyhow, a friend had recently came to terms with his sexual orientation and came out of the closet. Honestly, I couldn’t be happier for him as I know it takes a lot of courage for one to come out and be liberated, especially in a relatively conservative society like ours. Another acquaintance I know lives openly as a woman in the country that he’s staying in but remains closeted whenever he’s back in Singapore due to the fear of disapproval or backlash that he will receive from our society. Although I know that most people my generation are more open-minded and accepting these days, it still doesn’t take away the fact that there are many out there who love to judge and give their 2 cents worth of thoughts.
Writing about this topic brought me back to a particular past history of my life, one that I have only shared with a few selected people in my life …
Coming from an all girls’ school, I must say that it is very common for girls to have crushes on one another, especially on popular seniors (aka school belles/ butches). I confess that I have been on both sides of the fence – (1) Being infatuated with some of my seniors and (2) receiving my fair share of attention from my juniors (I still have all the ‘love letters’ and presents from a decade ago … I guess I’m sentimental in that way). Those few years were probably the only times that I actually have girls who had developed a crush on me. Thinking back, most of these crushes were notwithstanding and often faded within months although there were 2 that really stood out for me. One of whom was my junior and we kind of had a little something going on for a couple of months … Nothing serious, just innocent dates in town and chilling at her place but those times that we had spent together were definitely 1 of the best during my secondary school days. I wouldn’t have trade anything for it. The other was a girlfriend whom I must say that I really went the extra mile for and is probably the first person I truly loved as a friend.
Alas, the temporary phase of liking girls faded once I entered junior college and I went back to liking guys. LOL. Having said that, it was during my university days that I experienced my first female kiss. The 1st was when a close girlfriend of mine gave me a totally unexpected peck on my lip when I was in a changing room in ZARA. The sudden kiss took me by surprise and I remember going “Wow! What was that about?!” So, there goes my virgin kiss (other than the kisses I used to receive from my parents and granny when I was a baby) – To my girlfriend! The second and last time that I have ever kissed a girl was in Zouk when another gf and I got slightly intoxicated and decided to make out on the dance floor. Yes, it was a full-blown French kiss! Well, those were my crazy clubbing days and let’s just say that I kissed a girl and I liked it.
Some people I know have expressed shock when I share with them on this snippet of my life because it was something out of the norm and “unladylike”. Nonetheless, I have no regrets of that particular past that I had and if anything, it was probably those experiences that made me accepting of LGBT. I think love knows no boundaries and if 2 people – of the same gender – can find true happiness with each other, who are we, then, to stop or judge them? In fact, 1 of my favourite hollywood couple of all times is Ellen Degeneres and Portia de Rossi… Just love the 2 of them together! ♡
Before I conclude this relatively random and unexpected post, I would like to share a comment that my gf wrote in our yearbook for me as it’s still something that I hold so true in my heart. “God knows how your actions & love as a friend have changed my stagnant views on friends. And all we need is just love.”