. life’s good … or is it? .

Here’s an excerpt to start this blog entry:

“He bikes to work at an advertising agency, where he uses his master’s in English to proofread ad copy, and spends several hours reading music blogs and watching movie trailers, periodically Twittering updates about his workday to his 74 followers. He doesn’t really hate his job, but feels as if his skin is crawling with vermin most of the time that he’s there, so he has a plan to move to Thailand, or to maybe write a book. Or go to law school.He listlessly works through lunch, then goes to the bar after work to meet up with some university friends, where they talk about their jobs and make ironic jokes about other people. Back at home, he wonders why he feels so gross and empty after spending time with them, but it’s mostly better than being alone.”

This brings me to the next question, “Are most of our lives similar to the excerpt quoted above?”

Honestly, the past month has been a pretty dark period for me as it feels like my life is so steeped in negativity that I becoming a shadow of my previous self. No longer do I see the girl who used to have this zeal and huge appetite for life. Taking its place is a girl who’s trapped in this bubble of negative energy and self-inflicted stress & misery. My days hung in a state of limbo as I often find myself coming home from work, only to be exhausted & drained of energy, not so much from the work itself, but the fact that it’s simply not a good fit. The notion that “the grass is greener on the other side” is always in my mind as I toiled with the idea of seeking other pastures for other opportunities. Alas, this is a topic not to be discussed on a public platform like this blog. My weekends are slowly becoming more unproductive as my days were spent … well, catching up on my sleep and simply lazing around like a lazy bum. Trust me, it frustrates me to no end to see myself wasting precious time just like that but … …

Looking back, this “negative” episode of my life probably started when I had to undergo a minor surgery to remove the pus-filled infection that was at the side my breast. A scar remains, thus leaving an ugly reminder of this false alarm. Soon after, Frosty (our Japanese Spitz puppy) suffered from a sudden case of epistaxis (nose bleed) and a visit to the vet confirmed that his body is unable to clot blood thus resulting in him bleeding profusely from his nostrils. It was a terrifying sight to see blood constantly spurting from his nose, despite our futile attempts to stop the bleeding. An inability to clot blood has serious consequences as this would indicate that Frosty could have died from the bleeding/loss of blood. Fortunately, thanks to the medical team at the animals’ hospital, Frosty has fully-recovered and is now very active and energetic (perhaps, too naughty though) although the hospitalization and medication set us back $700+.*Heart pain*

With so much money spent on medical needs over the past month, I was suddenly hit by the realization of being financially stable. Endless days were spent pondering if I’m earning and saving enough money for a rainy day(especially when it comes to health care). Money worries. I used to be a worrywart back in the past when I was still schooling (not in Uni, enjoyed my Uni years), constantly worrying about exams and grades. However, I managed to overcome this anxiety over the years but it seems like it’s slowly creeping back into my life. It’s like a constant internal struggle from within. MK reckons that all these worries are not only unnecessary and uncalled for, but it has also resulted in me becoming rather moody (mood swings!) and easily agitated these days. Oh, and causing my already problematic complexion to take a turn for the worse (another major concern). I know, all these worries are nothing but superficial but sometimes, it’s easy to feel dejected, demoralized and fall into this trap of being pessimistic with almost everything in life. It’s draining and sucking the whatever little energy out of me and I know that I want out. Change my mindset. Change my attitude. Change my behavior. And, that’s what I’m determined to do…

“There’s not a worry in the world worth the worry”

End of Part One

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3 responses to “. life’s good … or is it? .

  1. Dearie, hang in there.. I understand how it feels to feel “listless and tired” at the end of the work day not because the job is hectic/tiring but because its not a good fit and its draining our energy away just to be at work.

    just a couple of days ago, i thought to myself “This is not the life I am looking for, yet reality pushes me to accept what I do not enjoy and lead it like everyone else.”

    Hope next year will be better for all of us; more job opportunities out there. *hugs*

    ps: will u be going for J.Z’s 21’s bday bash?

    • Hi dear 🙂

      Thank you for your encouraging message. Yea, it seems like when we start working, that’s when we reach a junction in life where we ponder about the direction that we are heading, be it career or personal. honestly, it’s quite a tough and “painful” experience.. still battling it.

      Yes, im definitely going for JZ 21st birthday! please tell me that you’re going too! in fact, i already got the perfect dress for it. My company’s D&D theme is also Shanghai Night! what a coincidence! 🙂

      Flying off to cambodia in 8hrs’! cannot wait!

  2. hi steph, been a loongg loongg time since i visited your blog or even saw you. after i quit my bank job i felt exactly the same way. i still feel the same way. i just left a temp job because i was falling back into the exact same pattern. going to work, waiting for lunch, waiting for 6pm, then texting everyone to find out who can meet for dinner. reaching home late and starting the day all over again. now that im focusing on my own business and putting all my energy, i feel really energized and active. after lots of soul searching, i’ve decided to just do it because it has always been my wish to try venturing out on my own. when i was in the office i was very very very moody, it felt like everyday i was just waiting for work to end, waiting for payday, thinking about how to pay my bills…it also doesn’t help when u talk to all your friends and everyone’s on the same 9-5 routine and i keep thinking, is that it? is that all there is to life? sometimes in the office i feel like busting out a dance just cos everyone’s so quiet and involved in their work…hahahahaha. So now i’m trying to stay super positive, not let the negativity down…I eat lots of vegetables, supplements, and I run/swim/gym alot…i try to cram and force myself to do all these stuff and stay super upbeat. speaking of which, let’s go rollerblading over the weekends when u’re free? It might be that you need a new hobby like learning a sport or language, that will help to defuse the mundaneness in life…

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