.stuck in a recurring cycle.

Days of being unemployed on a self-imposed break

It’s already been 7 weeks since my last paper … Days that went by faster than I thought it will. It’s funny how life
always turns out the way you least expect it. As mentioned before, I had well-thought of plans as to how I want to fully enjoy the holidays or to take this time to learn new stuff, before embarking on the constant grill of working world. YET life with its many changes just brought me on an unexpected journey so far. Now that I have lots of time at hand, it’s good to self-reflect and ponder on the weeks that flew by just like that. First week was great- Last week of a great internship. Archie came into our lives. Second Week- Getting adjusted to having care for a rambunctious puppy. Audi Fashion Festival, new friends. From third week onwards, it was just the usual meet-ups with many friends, going for interviews and being a full-time companion to Archie Boy ( more on that later). And, that was it.

At times, I feel like Im just wasting precious moments, doing nothing meaningful nor productive. The constant routine of watching after Archie and heading out with loved ones & friends was actually boring me out. That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy those moments. I do, of course, but what I need is something refreshing ; to do something for a change! Come to think of it, Im much to be blamed for all that happened … all thanks to my indecisiveness. Like what baby mentioned, on one hand – My initial plan was to take the chance to travel, volunteer and perhaps pick up a new hobby or two, or improve on my ever pathetic command of Chinese. A break till convocation. On another hand, the oh-too-frequent question of “Have you found a job yet?” made me felt like a bummer and so I couldn’t help but to send in a couple of resumes now & then. Granted, Im really fortunate to have been shortlisted for quite a few interviews and then selected again for 2nd/3rd interviews for all. But there was so much waiting time in-between each round. Waiting time that made me idle around and not able to firm up travel plans.  It frustrated me to no end that thanks to my lack of decisiveness that i ended up nowhere near my initial goals.

The last couple of weeks hit me the most; to simply put it, i felt demoralized. It hit upon me that what baby said is true  – That I am unsure of what I want to gain out of this break. It so happened that each time I made up my mind about traveling to somewhere, a job interview presents itself and being fickle, I find myself stuck in the dilemma, not once or twice but 4 times! Like an internal struggle within myself to make the “so-called correct” decision. On top of that, having too much free time has ironically become a burden … I feel as if Im losing my sense of identity with each passing day. While most would gladly welcome this relaxing change of pace to their lifestyles, I however felt as if each day was yet another day of “fruitless toil, full of despair” for nothing seems to be accomplished. Whatever happened to my “to-do-list” ? :/  Yes, I allowed the downfalls to get to me and bring my spirits down.  😦   Just need some direction in life to get me moving forward. This halt in life will just be temporary, for I’m determined to finally make things work out and go my way regardless of things have been playing out thus far.

.

.

GOOD NEWS !!! Archie has been adopted

… …

By MK and Yours Truly !

for the unconditional love that you provide us

archie boy !

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11 responses to “.stuck in a recurring cycle.

  1. Wow!!! That’s really cool. All the best with Archie and yeah I totally get what you mean with the unemployment thing~! sigh. My siblings and I just adopted 3 syrians, but 1 of them is probably going to my brother’s gf. Haha~ Gonna have fun being a committed first time pet owner 🙂 🙂 hehe! Talk to you soon! Yippppee!

  2. Hey 🙂

    Oh, syrians! U’ll love them man cz I know I do 🙂 it’s sweet of you guys to adopt them too, where did u get them from? I always tell my bf that i dont think i will ever stop having syrians too.

    Haha. Yes, having Archie is a totally different ballgame. He’s so full of energy that even he tires us out faster than he runs out of energy lol. Can you believe that?

  3. hey girl!

    i totally relate. i feel like i’m floating about without an anchor, hopefully that will change soon =) and one day juz goes on to the next and it feels a waste, i really should be utilising my time so much better! but laziness and procrastination takes over and i have spent another day doing…nothing.

    thx for your recent comments, i really appreciate them!! i’ve replied them, as always, and you should go back and see, i think you, imo and me could have a discussion on the recent topic ^^

  4. It isn’t that bad that there are companies that are asking you to go for interview. If you cna’t go for long trip, maybe take a short one. Just fixed a date for your holiday first, if the company is interested in employing you then just tell them that you are going for your grad holiday trip. I’m sure they will understand and let you start on the date that you are avaliable.

  5. Hello! Hope you do still remember me haha. Have been keeping up with your blog and yayyy!! So happy foryou guys and Archie boy 🙂 Anyway I also completely understand where your coming from, having no directions for the time being.. I’ve not even graduated yet and people are asking me what are my plans thereafter, which I do not have yet, sadly. Makes me feel kinda bad about myself :/

  6. sara –
    yes! im supposed to email u so u bet that i’ll include that topic too. Gosh, im making our emails sound really serious now :p But yes, I cant take it that im wasting precious time … im itching to do some productive or meaningful but nth’s done. it’s frustrating!

    wei si –
    hey girl. thanks for your advice 🙂 Yea, unfortunately for all final interviews that i went for.. most want immediate availability. 😦 but i always say it’s just a time for me to practice to be decisive and not be fickle. That’s sth I gonna improve on 🙂 Imagine the time ‘wasted’ cz I cld have gone for a long trip in the past wks but oh well, things happen for a reason right? Gonna make use of it. Will u be heading anywhere for grad trip? 🙂

    isabel –
    haha! i still owe u an email, of course i rmr u 🙂 yes, finally decided to adopt Archie because he’s become an impt part of our lives. Yes, it’s a sucky feeling right? To not have directions in life and idle around… but hey, u still have a semester or year to go right? I wasn’t even thinking of career plans at that time yet, just wanted to enjoy the carefree days and UB exchange trip lol. PLease do that 🙂 Enjoy the schooling days 🙂

  7. Haha….my grad trip was in Dec last year. Went with Pearlene and Liyana to US.

  8. wei si – ooh. actually, likewise! I kinda considered my exchange in USA my grad trip too … 4mths there plus traveled abit as well. But i love traveling alot, it’s an addiction lol! 🙂

    and i still cant tag on your board! 😦

  9. haha yeah! still young = will keep you busy!

    Like, my hamsters found out where the cage door is, so one of them is consistently chewing! Which I read is bad right… So far, when I moved the cage so that the door faces the wall, he realizes that he can’t get out and stops! hahaha~ cos the door won’t be able to open. Phew.

    We got them from my elder bro’s friend’s cousin… cos she is giving up on hamsters since she got a show dog worth like $10000 or so I heard, which is really like extravagant~ some chihuahua. LOL.

  10. JZ –

    $10,000 for a chh? Erm, really too extravagant! Blessing in disguise for the hams though cz they found new, great owners in u and your siblings now 🙂

    Oh, it’s quite common for them to constantly chew. You can get them chew sticks but i doubt it works cz mine will resume chewing at the cage. That’s why I have tanks for almost all of my hams now. Yea, best to keep a lookout cz hamsters are escapists! All my previous hams used to escape at least once ( there was one that escaped like 4-5times) but thankfully, they were always found.

    btw, are you keeping the syrians together or separately? Syrians are solitary so it’s best to keep them individually. We used to keep 3 of the bros together but in the end, they started fighting so had to keep them apart. Just keep an eye on that 🙂

  11. That sounds good. I dont understand why you cant leave msg in the cbox 😦

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