I know everyone’s pretty much feeling excited for me. But strangely, Im feeling the blues now more often than before. Perhaps, the reality that Im really leaving for quite awhile is starting to sink in me. Or, just a case of cold feet and being all anxious? Or, maybe it’s cz i still have alot of packing to be done, which i have yet to do so and time’s running out. The feeling of not being totally prepared. I know that Im making it seem like Im going to be gone for years but in actual fact, it’s only gonna be 4.5 mths, with the last 2 weeks with my family for a lovely vacation. Dont get me wrong, Im always keyed up about travelling – if there’s any luxury that I can’t live without, it’s got to be the opportunity to travel. Guess I have to thank my parents for instilling a love for travelling in me 🙂 But this time round, it’s more than just being a tourist in a foreign country. It’s also about adapting the norms and different lifestyles (albeit for a short time), having to live and work outside of your comfort zone ( a new room-mate from a totally different country. And if you have 1 whom you cant get along with, oh man. good luck! and of course, having to work with other people outside of my SIM friends whom im already so comfortable working with). In a way, starting afresh – it can be a daunting thought. Despite all my ‘emo talk’ now *lol*, this overseas experience is something that i wanted since secondary school so as cheesy as it might sounds, it’s kinda like a ‘dream fulfilled for me’.
It’s also at this point of time that I realised too, that time is too precious. I mean, I’ve always known that time flies but it hasn’t exactly hit me as hard as lately. In her blog, Sara love talks about how ” it’s too late to apologise” … about how sometimes in life, “it’s too late and we can only regret” some of the things we had done so far or “the people we were before”. Was doing some self-reflection over at the library a couple days back and I fully agree head-on with what sara said … in life, there shouldn’t be too many regrets, it’s important (as cliche as it might sound) that we learn from our mistakes made in the past and to improve ourselves. Life’s short, no time to mull over the past – what we have is our future and it all depends on how we make do with it. We can either continue being upset and getting all beat up over the past or move on to hopfully, better pastures. We all know this theoretically and on paper but to really act upon it ain’t easy. How many times have you told yourself that you would change but eventually, still commit the same mistake? Or the number of times you say that you will do a certain thing (say, volunteer.) yet in the end, only to find excuses such as no time for it? Personally, I’ve always wanted to spend more time with my grandparents- to accompany them on their daily dates (yes, they’re such an adorable couple who still goes out for lunch every wkday!) or spend more time talking to them but somehow, other stuff & commitments always consume me of the time and energy to do so. It’s however a great thing that I stay with them so there’s always the family dinner together. It’s strange how all these just set in me when Im just about to leave – it’s almost as if there’s no tomorrow and i want to ensure that i do those that I promise myself that i’ll. As the time draws nearer, it’s also when I want to spend more homely time with my family, esp. my grandparents. I don’t want to regret not being able to spend as much as i would like with them. It’s often very easy to take our family for granted and that’s probably the 1 thing that Im most guilty of.
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you will wait for me
Hold me like you’ll never let me go
Cause Im leaving on a jet plane
I dont know when I’ll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go …